Two Thousand Ten.

Oh man! Another year done.

2010 was amazing- it brought me tons of challenges, laughs, exciting new developments and great times with friends.

I decided the best way to reflect on my year is through a recap photo tunnel...

My computer is not being a happy camper with uploading all the pics- so this is part 1 of 2 lets say.

I am so excited for the unknown events and changes 2011 will have and cannot wait to begin.

Peace and Love.

vb.

Reflection

Sorry readers.... I'm been far too busy with family activities and holiday prep to be able to sit down and write.. but I'm back!

Well not back to my routine but back to have a small amount of time to post a hello on here.

I hope your holiday was wonderful and filled with great times with family and friends. I'm glad to say my time is not over but feels like its almost fully beginning. What i mean by this is the time i've spent with friends has been short, family has begun to be long. Not b/c i don't enjoy spending time with them but sometimes being a small space for a few days including trapped in a car can just get some small features having me pissed in over drive.

Happy to say everyone survived ;)

The past few days have opened my mind to a couple major things. One being life and age.

One of my great uncle's has had some bad health recently and has moved from his house into a assisted living situation. His family is busy trying to plan how to sell the house and what to do with belongings- and i couldn't help but think about how upsetting that must be for him. He has lived in this house for at least 40+ yrs and now suddenly it will be gone. His independence taken away and being forced into another situation- I wonder what he is thinking through this process.
It also got be thinking about how life is changing- not only am I getting older but everyone else is. I sometimes feel as though i am still a young girl in high school and forget not only my age but the things that I should maybe have accomplished by now.

Some of my cousins have bought houses, the beginnings of husbands and what am I doing? My mom already had me when she was my age and had been married for 3 years- had a house, car, family the whole nine yards. Where am I? The most expensive thing i own right now.. a bed my folks bought for me? a computer? Nothing of real value.. should I be planning for all this.

Ugh yet again comes the what am i doing with my life thought... something I just don't feel like dealing with right now.

What's more alarming in my head is the fact I by accident overheard my mom talking to my uncle discussing my dad's possible plans in the next few years- which include either doing a 9-month tour in africa or moving to a army base....both being brand new news to me! I was so upset that this has not even been brought to my attention yet but she is going around telling mild family members. Worst, this is the second time I was last to know about a huge family change- I wasn't told of my brother going to do a tour in afganistan till after he had gotten picked and signed the paper work- never told prior. I don't want to be the last one to find out again- dealing with something that major in my life is something I'm not ready to handle.

Ugh- too much to deal with. So it will all get pushed till after this week of holiday is over.

Till then be sure to party ;)




vb.

One wish.

One more day! Cannot wait to venture home!!!!

I finally got all my major Christmas Shopping done and I feel so relieved.

I had a great night last night seeing some different groups of friends and just catching up. My mind was swirling with tons of different thoughts that I will be sure to share later.

Cannot wait to just sit and relax, that's the only thing on my mind.

xo
vb.

Change of pace

Ok.. the weekend made me more than a little excited for Christmas.

I'm not sure if it was just seeing my parents, planning for New Years eve or just thinking about seeing all my friends, but I am more than ready to head home.

I re-read my last post and all I could think was whoa- that was mildy depressing.

Now- don't get me wrong, I still want to have a great holiday and not be disappointed by expectations that won't come through- but maybe that's the point. I need to just enjoy.

This week will be filled of last minute gift shopping, getting lots of things typed up within the office, and prepping for a great holiday- what to wear, what to bring... haha.

Cannot wait to give 2010 the proper goodbye it deserves.

My message for today: love with all your heart, you will never know when it will all be lost.

vb.

Tis' the season.

The holiday season is gettin' closer and closer by the minute and in some ways I feel more than prepared and others I feel like running the other way.

Tis' the season to stress about finding the perfect gifts, perfect outfits and look perfect. But why? Is this not the time to just spend time with family and friends- those you care about the most. Why has this added stress come on to make sure its the best time ever, to only be disappointed by lack-luster presents, being too hungover to leave the house, snow storms and NYE's that never hit your expectations.

I am really trying to walk-into this holiday season with no expectations. To enjoy the time I hae with the ones I love and try to not worry about all the rest. Will that boy message me on Christmas Day saying the words I hope for.... probably not- those Christmas Disney Dreams are far and few between.

So it's time to make new christmas dreams- dreams filled of obtainable things:
- baking/eating Christmas Cookies with my mom
-laughing as my dad some awful dance routine in the kitchen
-ask my cousins about their new 8 million girlfriends... even though they are only in grade 8
-have some drinks with my friends, catch up and laugh
-watch awful scary movies and have my friends attempt to scare me on the way home
-enjoy the time away, relax

No expectations, no promises broken.

I am going to try really hard to keep true to myself and not allow myself in a moment of sadness make mistakes I will only regret moments later. We cannot have all we want in life- some things take time and I know the universe has a plan for me.

So here are some photos of my holidays over the past 4 years 05-09. Let's hope that the '10 holidays bring some great memories.

I hope this weekend gives you some prep for the holiday season- laughs and joy. Till next time.

vb.

Is it all wrong?

Sometimes your mood can last through-out a whole week, or sometimes like today- it can last what feels like 5 mins.

I've been in the mode this week that bloggin' has not agreed with. Sorry to those out there.

So here we go with some music a day late.

1.Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays- N'Sync.

On the weekend my friend had made a Christmas music list and had sadly forgotten about the best song of all!





2. Taylor Swift- Mean.

This girl has contiuned to impress more and more lately and this song does not disappoint. I find her lyrics speak to my daily ups and downs and this new one is just perfect.



3. Razorlight-Before I fall to pieces.

This song came on my ipod shuffle on the communte to work this morning and took me back to 2nd year of university. This song was brought my way by one of my best friends and I always think of him when it comes on. This album got me through some good and bad times and I'm sure I will be leaning on it again in the near future.





4. Nights and Weekends-Best of a bad thing.

This band I stumbled upon the night of my birthday in Toronto- on the way to a bar we were in the midst of bukerfest and heard this awesome band! This song is def, my favourite but if you check out their myspace. The songs are fast, full of energy and make you want to dance.






I hope these songs provide you with some fun or things to think about this week. I am really just counting down the days till the holidays and seeing all my lovely friends/family.

I promise to provide some more thought-out and hopefully inspiring words tomorrow.

Dance like no one is watching.

vb.

Out of your element.

Weekends away bring everything to peace. I've found more and more that getting out of my element and day-to-day makes the next work week not as painful.

I felt like I just let myself let go and loose and finally forget about all the responsibilities I have, things I need to do and get down and just had a fun weekend.

I feel more stressed about Christmas shopping this year than I ever have before. I'm not sure if its the combo of not knowing what gift ideas to get or just the lack of time, but I finally have started buckling down and purchasing items- lets hope its over soon.

My post is slightly lacking today as I dont have much more to say right now. I'm mostly content with life. all is good in the hood.

So here are some photos that I like right now. :D

via: from me to you, le fashion, studded heart and purse n' boots

vb.

Days of shimmer and all that glitter.

My head is swirling with a million different thoughts and questions so bare with me. :D

Emotions the past few days have been a 360 of up and down, not really knowing where to start or stop.

I was finally thrown out of my lame mood by seeing the colourful, inappropriate and hilarious musical- Priscilla.

This show was the perfect remedy, if you have the time and the funds its definitely a show to check out in the near-future!

My emotions have a been a roller coaster this week and really I'm not sure why. Work has been stressful yes, but that seems to be a constant in the past few weeks, maybe even months.

I am more than ready to head home for the holidays- see family and old friends and be able to fully shut off my mind and all the issues that seem to shadow my mind in this space.

I do feel lucky and somewhat bewildered with all the things 2010 has granted me... but more on that later ;)

My fav. dance/work-out class had a 2 hr holiday party yesterday, and while most participants and teachers ( might I add) took snack and chill breaks in between sets, one of my best and me did not give one moment a stop. In a moment like that I realize how much I have improved some parts of my fitness- i may not be looking like Giselle anytime soon but my fitness has improved drastically- and thats something that I will pat myself on the back for.  Its a work in progress and there is much to be done but its a great start.

My goal/question for all you possible readers this week: is to take some time reflecting what you do in a normal week, day-to-day and what do you do just for you, vs what you do for others?
Do you work out b/c u want to look good for others or b/c you want to feel good about yourself, prolong your life-etc.

Have a honest conversation with yourself on what you do for you and for others and maybe re-evaluate the values and priotires you've given yourself or just know that its ok.. to do some things for others but remember the most important person in your life should be you. Not for selfish reasons but to put it blunting- you are stuck with you for life.

Smile and life already will be better.

vb.

Yellow Brick Roads to Nowhere.

Oh hump day. Helllo to you!.

Thank gosh its the middle of the week... it's getting closer and closer for the need of a break in my life, though the crazy train doesn't seem to be slowing down anytime shortly.

I'm really beginning to search for that second breath coming in... maybe it will come by Christmas Holidays? I can hope.

Jam always helps with getting a hour of me-time and so the first track for this week's music Wednesday stems from that. One of my favourite "releases" includes from tracks from Daft Punk, Robyn, and finally Pitbull. Its a challenging work-out routine for sure, I can recall the first time doing it, near the start of my love-affair with BodyJam and just thinking this shit is crazy! I can't do this... I'm glad to say I have had the chance to perform this sequence multiple times now and can almost get through the whole thing with only one walk-through.

One of my favourite tracks from the mix is Natural Born Hustler. I find myself singing the rather inappropriate lyrics all day and night, no matter where I am.



Next is a double Matt Nathanson feature.
Both these songs have gotten me through some rough days/nights over the past few months. He's a artist I connect with constantly. There is nothing hotter than a lone man and his guitar.


Car Crash


Answering Machine


My last choice for the week is one of those hilarious song parodies. I came across this a few months ago but it gives me giggles every time I hear it. Just want I need right now.





The thing I'm working with this week is remembering what matters most. There will be highs and lows in life but pushing through is most important.

One of my recent "Universe" emails summed it up perfectly:
It's not as if one day you'll just look down, vb, and discover that
you're on the yellow brick road, living the life of your dreams. But that one
day you'll look back and discover you always have been.

Talk about 'heart' -
The Universe

Love yourself.
vb.

Le Love

Loved this Le Love post... had to put it up.

So I inactive you.

ffffound

The love you had for your ex isn’t the same as with someone new, each love is different. I think the love is just “inactive”; you can’t delete someone you truly loved. It’s almost like a facebook account, you can just inactivate your account, never delete it. If you want to and the time is right you can recreate it, but the pages have changed and so have you.

I really thought you were the love of my life. And perhaps in the future, we can be together again. So I inactivate you, try to bury my feelings for you. Because right know we're not right for each other.

forever yours.

vb.

Keep it all in check.

I've grown to have a love/hate relationship with Tuesdays. While I'm thankful they are not Mondays and don't represent the beginning of another work week. They also seem to be the morning that I just don't want to get out of bed.

Added to that is the fact my room is currently a mess of clothes and items all over the floor and surfaces. I always struggle to really unpack after a vacation from my house- I am definitely not one of those people that un-packs right away, but I should become one. I hate living in a space of chaos, and that is exactly what my room looks right now, I can't find anything. So there is one project for the week.... reorganize.

One of the main issues of not having things in their places is finding out too late when you run out of stuff, my list of things to replace seems to be growing by the moment. So I took it upon myself to start that process last night and grab some new makeup- I've found lately some of my makeup has been lacking in the whole working thing, ie not covering my face correctly and just not helping me feel better about myself. Enter Sephora.

Oh Sephora how I heart thee.
A long time ago.. maybe even before this past summer I dropped by Sephora inquiring about a new foundation. I've used MAC for the past few years but have just found the coverage isn't working for me any longer. I was recommended to try Make Up for Ever and decided to wait as in the summer months I barely need any cover up. So I decided yesterday to check out the product again, I went a tad crazy and bought a few things but hopefully they will help. Stay tuned for reviews.

The other thing I've promised I would finally purchase was REAL winter boots. Even though I come from a small town where winter boots were necessary to push through the huge snow drifts, I've attempted to survive in the city without proper ones. This has seen a few casualties in the name of boots I loved but were just not winter prepped. So this year it was time to bite the bullet, no more salt stains and trips on ice- I am bringing in the big guns... and by that I mean UGG Hiking boots.

These boots have a crazy bottom tred, sheepskin inlays and hopefully will not disappoint me.

My words of wisdom today are about taking care of yourself. Do the things that will make you feel better- moisturize, do your nails, buy new items that make you feel good about yourself. Mainly because if you feel good about yourself it will come through and others will notice. Plus you got to live with yourself for live, so you may as well look hot. :)

Keep in check the things that matter most.

vb.

Little left in you now.

This weekend enabled me to revisit the ideas of love yet again.

I had a therapy session with a friend who was betrayed by a sister, and dealing with their both new-found single-hood. It got me thinking to myself, am I doing something wrong?

Did I miss the chapter where we were told to fall over guys and try every tactic imaginable to get asked for your number.

Via: Lelove

I've always been a sucker for romantic comedies, the dream that one day I will be swept off my feet and ride into the sunset, but deep down I know reality looks much more like a drunk night at the bar and a casual dance that may lead into a date after date, where is the glitz and glam in that?

I currently live my single life.... just doing that- LIVING!

Of course, I want a guy at the bar or when I'm out for the night to want to come up to me, but I don't believe in putting everything on that. I firmly believe in being able to stand alone and not feel like you don't match up. Confidence in your life will take you much farther than the frat boy you meet on Saturday night. You need to learn to be just with you before someone else can truly come into your life. Go on dates by yourself, cook, take up a hobby, redecorate your living space, do the things you love, meet up with friends and family but make sure you are able to truly be alone.

We all have our "moments" I feel as though I am continuously living one now, just pushing it further and further into my being as the time to deal with it, is not necessarily now.

My walks with Bear this weekend got me to reflect a lot on this and 2 song lyrics came to mind. Some song I've been listening to constantly lately, Katy Perry's; Not like the movies. This song discuses waiting for the perfect one and when its there you will know. I am constantly wondering if the perfect one even exists but this song pulls together the idea for me that maybe the one is not necessarily just there but they can become the one, like one day it just fits. Here are some lines that struck with me:

If it doesn't stop time,
If you cant see the sign,
Wait for it.
One hundred percent,
With every penny spent.
He'll be the one that,
Finishes your sentences.

If it's not like the movies,
Thats how it should be.
When he's the one,
He'll come undone,
And my world will stop spinning,
And thats just the beginning.

The second song is a oldie but a goodie. I can remember when I first had my liscene and was able to take the car out alone, blasting this song. It got me through crushed heart break after another, but I don't recall really truely listening to the lyrics until it came up on shuffle this past weekend; Save Yourself- Sense Field. The lyrics touch on the idea of waiting for the right one, and how we so easily give up ourselves to anyone who will take.

Is it really true
Could you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you
So many times we just give it away, to someone who
Someone who you met in bar
The back of a car
And for a moment you felt important but not in your heart
My self esteem, it's been low, go ahead and count it's been lower than low
I know the feeling of it stealing life out from under me
I want to learn, how you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you
So many times we just give it away to someone who, couldn't even remember your name

So, my question this week is what is your definition of being single, do you let it define you?

Much love to all my single and attached ladies out there.
vb.

Love and lost.

I've been thinking a lot lately due to conversations with friends, songs and general focus towards love and relationships.

What is the reason behind our need to have relationships, not friendships but relationships, what values do they provide?

In some lights, I see them as a way to always disappoint. Someone always loses,  well sometimes I believe that. Is that the same for true love- destiny? What chance in you life do you have of meeting that person, not necessary to say you won't find compatible partners, but the one... the one that changes it all. How do you know they will come, let alone exist. And if they do happen to come into your life, how do you know its them?

Is it better to keep guarded and wait for that one that will make you want to risk it all, or to have love and lost over and over again until finally the right one comes.. or not?

Is it worth it? When the possibility of going through life alone is well.. possible.

One of my family members comes to mind for me when discussing this. currently on her third marriage. A woman who falls hard fast, whose heart is open wide and just wants someone to love. A early marriage that ended soon, which sadly in these times seems almost normal, especially when marrying young. A second marriage that lasted up to 20 years, ending in turmoil, deceit, loneliness and ruined my views on true love. Now on her third marriage, again looking happy as ever.

This story has a bigger connection to me, as the man in her second marriage was a huge male figure in my life. Someone I always looked up to, trusted and so when he left, he didn't just leave her, he left all of us. I often wonder if I saw him on the street someday, what would I say to him? Would I run and hide in the other direction hoping he hadn't seen me, or would I stand in front of him and tell him.. well that I miss him, that I wish things hadn't ended as they did and goodbye.

I can't help but think is something lost when you commit to that and lose it, do you lose something, change. Is the person you were at the beginning of this process the person at the end?

How many times can you fall in love?

Do we all have a quota we are about to fill?

 When do you know?

* I started this post late last night and decided to sleep on what I wrote.... driving into work today, I continued to think about the thoughts whirling in my head and one moment in history came through.

My first heart break.

I was in grade 4 or 5, and really liked this boy. It wasn't my first crush, or the first boy I kissed, but I think it was the first time I dreamed that we would date. Of course, this was a very tame courting, talking at recess and such and grade 5 flirting, which really now seems like nothing. Then the moment came that changed it all, I had invited him over for dinner and could not have been more excited, I remember sitting on my neighbor's porch reading Archie comics, waiting for him to bike up the street. I must have waited for a hour, but he never showed up. I was heartbroken- I couldn't understand why he wouldn't have come after saying yes. Attempting to hold back the tears, I called his house the next day, he claimed his best friend had come over and he couldn't say he was having dinner at my house- so he just didn't. I remember feeling so betrayed and upset.

Now I know that this was years and years ago... but somehow when thinking back to it, I wonder if it has a bigger effect of my life and how I look at relationships than I thought.

Could such a small moment ruin it all?

Silence of a song bird.

Who doesn't love hump day?

More importantly- who doesn't love some mid-week jams.

This week's collection is a series of old and new jams. All things that in the past week I've been loving.

Stage Fright- Blake McGrath

One of my favourite things about having a vehicle for the week is getting to hear new songs on the radio! This was one of those finds this week, I am most familiar as Blake for his So you think you can dance appearances and have to admit I was not impressed with his first single, but this one has caught me- hook, line and sinker.





2. I need you- N Budz

This time found my way last year on my trip to visit a old friend in Scotland, he was horrified by the song and was not please when I claimed I was kinda into it. Once back in Canada, it was on repeat for a few months. I remembered this song due to having a old mix cd in my uncle's truck... what a surprise.




Last but definitely not least is: well to be honest, this day got away from me... so I can't recall what I had planned to go here.. fail!

If.... when I remember I will be sure to add that addition on.

Happy hump day.


Ps. I want this outfit combo! Loveeeeee

Via: Jen loves Ken

vb.

Lovin and lies.

Busy day, I feel my life has been thrown up into a tornado of meetings, plans and things to do. Eck!

So I don't have much time to post.. sorry.

Just wanted to say I'm really into Joshua Radin right now- his new album " The Rock and the Tide" is amazing. Check out more on him here.

Otherwise here are some images inspiring me today.

Images via: Purse n' boots, Studded Hearts and Le Fashion

All for now.
xo.

vb.